New Beginnings
by daisley
Summary: Remus Lupin's first few years at Hogwarts.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Well first of all, I'm obviously not J.K. Rowling. All the characters and such rightfully belong to her. Secondly, the Pottermore update on Remus Lupin effectively rendered my first fan fiction AU, and if there's one thing that irks me about fan fiction, it's unintentionally being AU. So, I'm starting a new story to perk me back up. Hope y'all enjoy it.**

* * *

New Beginnings

Prologue

"But I want to go out and play in the yard."

"I know honey, but you can't. Not until you're feeling better." Hope pressed the back of her hand to her son's forehead.

"I feel fine mum." Remus replied shortly, flinching away from the touch. "I want to go outside."

"I'm sorry Remus, but you can't." Remus felt frustration welling up inside of him.

"Why not!?" Much to his dismay, tears began forming in his eyes. He could feel the way the moon was pulling on his bones, he was tired, and he just wanted to sit in the yard for a few minutes.

"Mrs. Robson noticed when you were sick last month, if she sees you now… It'll raise too many questions."

"But it's not fair!" He moaned and the tears began. The more he cried the more furious he became with himself. He was nine years old, much too old to be crying. But now that he'd started, he couldn't stop: months of frustration, isolation, and fear were all coming together and it was too much to bear.

"Oh Remus…" Hope reached out to grab her son's hand in an effort to soothe him, but the gesture only lit a fire in his chest.

"It's not fair!" He repeated angrily.

"I know it's not fair, love. But you _know_ why you can't go outside now." She began to pull Remus into a hug but he tried to jerk away, out of instinct she held his hand tighter.

"Let go!" He shouted, he was still crying though and Hope wasn't going to release him until he stopped.

"Not until you calm down." She said more firmly.

"LET GO!" he cried again, he tried to squirm out of her grasp, but Hope only tightened her grip more.

"Remus! Stop it! I said not until you calm down!" She was struggling to hold him; he was much stronger than any nine year old boy should be.

Suddenly Remus let out a vicious snarl as something red, hot, and furious squeezed his mind. His mother gasped. One minute he was trying to break out of her iron-like grip, the next, he was free and standing half way across the room, shaking with rage.

"Remus…" Her voice was so surprised and sad, it felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over his head and the anger disappeared instantly.

It took a moment for him to register that his mother was clutching her forearm: blood was beginning to seep between her fingers. The metallic scent washed over him and for one terrible moment it made his mouth water.

The moment passed and horror overwhelmed him. He'd hurt his mother. He'd hurt his mother and some small part of him had _liked_ it. The thought staggered him and he took a shaky step back.

"I'm sorry," he choked. "I'm sorry. I-I-I didn't mean to…" He couldn't breathe, he was suffocating and no matter how hard he gasped it felt as though none of the air was making it into his lungs.

Hope seemed to come out of her daze and her expression became worried and sympathetic.

"Oh Remus, I know you didn't mean to. It was just an accident." She took a tentative step towards him but her son backed up further until he was pressed against the wall.

"Don't come near me!" He snapped and his mother froze. He could hear the wolf howling in his mind and the sound was so deafening he couldn't think clearly. Only one coherent thought made it to surface: he'd hurt his mother—badly enough that she was bleeding.

"I'm sorry!" He rasped; it felt like they were the only words he knew anymore, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Hope watched her son warily. Blood was now running down her arm and dripping off of her elbow and onto the floor.

"It's okay Remus, really it is. It's just a scratch." Yet even as she reassured him, Remus could smell the fear and pain radiating from her. He threw his hands into his hair and began tugging; desperately hoping it would help him clear his thoughts. He slid down the wall and curled into a ball on the floor—why couldn't he catch his breath?

"I'm so sorry…" he mumbled into his knees miserably.

* * *

Hours later, Remus lay on his bed staring numbly out the window. Moonlight stung his eyes and reminded him of the agony that awaited him tomorrow night.

_I deserve it_, he thought bitterly.

Hope had had to bandage the scratches and clean up the blood before Remus would allow her to approach him and even then it had taken the better part of an hour, three large glasses of water, and countless reassurances to calm him down.

Remus couldn't feel anything anymore, except for the ache that was deep in his muscles and bones. All of his emotions had been spent.

He was vaguely aware of the front door opening and closing and of his father's obliviously cheerful greeting. There was a moment of silence and then:

"What happened?"

"Remus…"

"Remus did this!?" The approaching full moon had sharpened his hearing and he could make out every word of his parents' conversation.

"It was an accident Lyall."

"An accident!?" His father nearly shouted, Remus heard his mother shush him and Lyall lowered his voice—not that it made any difference, "Hope, I can't heal these…"

"I know—"

"They're going to scar." He interrupted.

"I know that, and it's alright."

"How is that alright?" His father snapped, but before his mother could respond, Lyall added in a much softer voice, "How could Remus do this to you?"

"He didn't mean to." His father scoffed but she continued on, "You weren't there, you didn't see him. I've never seen him like that. He was so worked up… He couldn't help it." She sounded so sad and so defeated that Remus screwed his eyes shut and buried his face into his pillow.

"But he _hurt_ you…" The disappointment in his father's voice was almost worse than the pity in his mother's.

"And it took an hour to calm him. Once he realized what he'd done, he completely broke down. Please dear, just leave it alone. It won't do any good to upset him more."

"I know, but we can't go on like this. I can't keep you safe when I'm not here…" Remus felt his stomach tie itself into knots. Did his father really believe he was too dangerous to be at home alone with his mother?

"Honestly Lyall, you're acting as if I need to be protected from my own son."

"He's getting harder to control." He said bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"When he was little it was easier, a few silencing charms, a locking spell—that was all it took… But now… Now… Well you saw what he did to the door last month."

"But you can fix the door."

"It's not like it's going to get easier Hope. Yes, I can fix the door and the windows, but the bigger he gets the more destructive he becomes. How much longer will it be until he's strong enough to break through my barrier spells? How much longer until the bites and scratches he gives himself become life threatening? Every month it just gets worse and worse. I'm not a healer and I can only buy so many blood replenishing potions before people become suspicious. And now he's hurt you, I know it was an accident this time, but what if it happens again?"

"It won't happen again." Hope's voice was barely above a whisper, but Remus could still hear how shaky it was. His father gave a slightly hysterical laugh, "It won't" she repeated, sounding more certain this time.

_It won't happen again_, Remus silently agreed.

"But what will we do if it _does_?"

"Then we'll do what we've always done: handle it the best we can when and if it happens."

Remus got out of bed on trembling legs and stumbled into the bathroom. As quietly as possible, he began rummaging through the drawers. He got to the last drawer and still hadn't found what he was looking for, huffing in frustration he stood up and was about to go back to his room when he spotted the nail cutters beside the sink.

_Odd_, he thought, _those weren't there when I came in._

Remus grabbed them and hastily retreated back to his room, locking the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of his bed and began clipping his nails—he cut them so short that they bled and throbbed. He pressed each fingertip into his palm, memorizing the white hot pain it caused. He pressed harder and harder until his arms were shaking.

When he didn't think he could take the pain anymore, he made a promise to himself. He wasn't going to disobey his parents again. He wasn't going to fight to go outside or to be included on his mother's outings. And he wasn't going to complain about feeling lonely ever again. His parents kept him hidden away for a very good reason: he was dangerous.

Of course, they'd never say that. Every time they moved to a new town they'd tell Remus it was because people were too narrow-minded to understand, but he was beginning to realize that the problem wasn't everyone else, it was him.

In spite of the way his fingers stung, Remus eventually fell into an uneasy sleep. That night he dreamt he was the wolf and that he managed to break open his bedroom door before running down his mother—tearing her to shreds while she screamed and begged for him to stop.


	2. Chapter 1: The Invitation

**A/N: I wanted to upload the first real chapter quickly. I seriously doubt I'll be able to keep this pace up though. Hope you enjoy! Please read and review. J**

* * *

Chapter 1: The Invitation

There was a knock on the door and Remus watched with mild amusement as both his parents jumped nearly three feet into the air.

Lyall Lupin ran to the window and cautiously peeled back the curtain before swearing softly and muttering, "What's he doing here?"

Hope, seeming to take the cue from her husband gave her son a strained smile, "Remus, honey, I need you to go up to your room and lock the door."

Remus sighed but nodded mutely and obeyed without question.

Half way up the stairs he heard his father's frantic voice, "Why didn't he just send a letter?"

Once in his room, Remus sat down on his bed and looked around. There were still boxes in one corner that needed to be unpacked despite the fact that they'd moved in nearly three months ago. He supposed that it would be pointless to try and unpack them now—if his parents were trying to hide him from someone already, it wouldn't be long until they moved again.

It was a shame really, Remus liked this house. It had a big backyard and a spare bedroom where he could transform, meaning his parents didn't need to move all the furniture out of his bedroom every month.

He could hear his parents running around downstairs, he could smell their fear, but Remus quickly corrected himself—that was ridiculous, fear didn't have a smell and even if it did, he wouldn't be able to detect it. But the bitter scent lingered in his nose and Remus felt his face turn hot with shame, why couldn't he just be normal?

"Are you sure you got the kitchen window?" Hope shouted.

"Yes, I just need to secure the fireplace and then we can do upstairs…"

"The fireplace? Honestly, how desperate would someone have to be to get in to use the fireplace?!" Remus couldn't help but smile, even after all this time his mother was still amazed and befuddled by the magical world.

There was a soft knock on his door and it was his turn to jump three feet in the air. Both his parents were still downstairs, so who could be knocking on his door? Remus sat perfectly still, his heart pounding as he tried to work up the nerve to open the door, but as the seconds dragged on there was only silence on the other side… He was beginning to think he'd imagined the knock and then—

"Mr. Lupin?" He didn't recognize the voice, "May I come in?"

A fearful and instinctive canine whine escaped his throat before he could control it but before Remus could feel embarrassed, the man on the other side added, "It's alright Mr. Lupin, I assure you that I don't mean any harm to you or your family…"

He couldn't deny that he was curious about the stranger; visitors to the Lupin household were few and far between and Remus could hardly remember the last time he got to talk to someone other than his parents. And the man's voice was so friendly and soft…

Remus got up and went to the door; his hands were shaking as he undid the lock and opened it a crack. He took a big step back as the stranger opened the door the rest of the way and entered his room. He was an older man—his grey beard was streaked with white and his startlingly blue eyes twinkled warmly behind half-moon glasses as he looked at Remus.

"Hello Remus, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." He held out his hand which Remus politely shook, visitors may have been rare but Hope made sure that her son's manners didn't suffer because of it. The old man smiled. Remus felt as though he should say something—that a normal person would say something at this point, but he couldn't think of anything so he gave a meek smile in return.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore," he added once it became apparent that Remus wasn't going to reply.

Remus felt his stomach drop. The gentleman standing in front of him was _the _Albus Dumbledore, the new headmaster of Hogwarts, the wizard who single-handedly defeated Grindelwald, and the man who had taught his father Transfigurations. Remus was certain that if Dumbledore had come, it was because he knew he was a werewolf and whatever business he had with the Lupin family was going to end badly. There wasn't anywhere to run now though, and some small part of him believed it was probably for the best—if Dumbledore was here to take him away and lock him up for being a werewolf, at least then his parents might get their lives back.

The fear he felt must have shown on his face though and Dumbledore chuckled quietly,

"No need to look so scared, you're not in any trouble. Do you know who I am?"

Remus nodded and timidly replied, "You're the Headmaster of Hogwarts."

"Smart lad. How much do you know about Hogwarts?"

Was this some sort of trick? He wondered.

"It's where my dad went to school… Where he learned about magic."

Dumbledore's smiled broadened, "I understand that you have some magical talent of your own."

"Dad's been teaching me how to control it." It seemed like the answer he should give—he didn't want Dumbledore to think he was an uncontrolled werewolf _and_ an uncontrolled wizard, yet as soon as the words left his mouth, he worried it had been the wrong answer as well. Was his dad even allowed to teach him magic? He _was _underage after all.

"Do you know any spells?"

Remus felt himself blush at the question. He hesitated to call the magic he knew "spells", he didn't even own a wand. The magic he knew didn't have any incantations or special movements—it came from within. He wasn't sure if that's what the Headmaster meant by spells, but he nodded shyly and answered, "A few…"

"May I see one?"

He paused for a moment, still thinking that it had to be a trick of some sort, then, drawing a shaky breath Remus extended his hand out in front of him. As he focused he felt the familiar tingling sensation running from his chest, down through his arm and into his fingertips. It started out as a spark and a little bit of smoke, much smaller than usual because he was nervous, but slowly the flames grew until they filled his palm. He allowed them to linger for a moment before he closed his hand and snuffed them out.

Dumbledore looked surprised and Remus suddenly felt incredibly insecure.

"Sorry," he mumbled, though he wasn't certain what he was apologizing for.

"Don't be sorry. That was very impressive, many wizards and witches are never able to perform non-verbal magic. To be able to do so at the age of ten is nothing short of remarkable. You say your father taught you how to do that?"

"He wanted me to know how to channel it because I'll probably never have a wand…"

"And why would you never have a wand?"

_Because I'll never go to school. Because I'm a monster. _

The answer he'd been about to give died on Remus' lips and he felt the color drain from his face. He'd become too comfortable with the old man and said too much. He opened and closed his mouth several times trying, in vain, to find something he could say that wouldn't get him and his family into deeper trouble. When nothing came to him, he looked down at the floor, unable to stand the man's searching gaze.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. _Remus berated himself. Why did he assume that Dumbledore knew he was a werewolf? He couldn't go five minutes with someone new without giving himself away.

"I know what you are Remus…" He didn't dare look up at the Headmaster, "And I don't think it should keep you from unlocking your true potential."

Was he saying what Remus thought he was saying?

"I do believe, however, that we should include your parents in this discussion. Shall we go downstairs?"

Remus nodded.

"By all means then, lead the way."

He led Dumbledore down the stairs and into the living room. It wasn't a particularly large room, but the furniture was comfortable and clean. Most of his mother's trinkets and accents hadn't been unpacked yet, but Remus' gobstones were out on the coffee table.

Dumbledore waved his hand and the fireplace came to life, causing warmth to flood the room. Another wave and a plate of crumpets appeared on the coffee table.

"Now then, why don't we play a round of gobstones and give your parents a chance to rejoin us."

Remus suddenly realized that the house had grown silent—he hadn't heard his parents' frantic cries for several minutes now. Before he could become too concerned however, the distinct thud of footsteps came from overhead. They were so loud, Remus was surprised he hadn't been able to hear them a moment ago.

Feeling more at ease, he opened the box and poured the gobstones out on to the table. He'd only ever been able to play them with his father or by himself, the thought of getting to play with someone else was very exciting.

"REMUS!" He heard his mother shriek from upstairs, he flinched at the sound but Dumbledore simply smiled, grabbed a crumpet, and started the game. Remus followed his lead and took his turn.

"What is it?"

"He's not in his room!" More shrieking.

"What do you mean?!"

"He's not here!"

"But he has to be! I saw him go upstairs!"

"I did too, but he's gone!"

"Well, check downstairs. Maybe he wandered off."

More footsteps came thundering down the staircase. His mother spotted him first and the relief on her face was immense.

"Remus." She sighed, "What on earth are you doing?" Then she stopped as Dumbledore stood, her face turned white. Hope glanced at her son and then back at the Headmaster.

"Remus, come here." She ordered.

"It's alright mum." He couldn't keep the pleading note out of his voice. Hope continued to stare at Dumbledore, mistrust and uncertainty written all over her face.

"You must be Mrs. Lupin, it's a pleasure to meet you." He greeted warmly.

"Lyall!" She called, there were even more footsteps and Lyall Lupin appeared next to his wife a moment later looking extremely flustered.

"Professor Dumbledore, what are you doing here?" There was something unusually cold about his father's voice that gave Remus a reason to pause. Lyall looked guarded and afraid—like an animal that had been cornered by a predator.

"Mr. Lupin, it's good to see you again!" Dumbledore seemed unfazed by his father's hostility. "I've heard that you're doing quite well as a leading authority on Non-Human Spiritous Apparitions. I do believe some congratulations are in order."

Lyall didn't move a muscle, "What do you _want_?"

"A warm pair of wool socks for Christmas, but I don't believe now is the time to discuss that." Remus couldn't help but smile at the old man's strange sense of humor even though the situation seemed dire. His father did not look amused. Dumbledore sighed and wiped the playful grin off of his face before continuing.

"I'm here to talk about Remus."

"Why?" Lyall asked shortly, "If it's about Hogwarts, his letter isn't due for months. It's only February. And you certainly didn't need to come here in person." Remus wished his father wouldn't act so hostile; Dumbledore seemed like such a nice man.

"I assumed you would reject an acceptance letter if we sent one. Am I correct?" Lyall only continued to watch the Headmaster warily and remained silent.

"I know what Remus is." Dumbledore added softly and his father looked ready to start hexing the man. "And I didn't trust an owl to safely deliver a letter with these words—which are best delivered in person anyways. Your son deserves a proper education—I've seen how talented he is already—" Lyall shot his son a curious glance and Remus quickly turned his attention to the gobstones, feeling his cheeks turn red, "and I don't believe his condition is any reason to exclude him from Hogwarts."

Dumbledore paused and Remus felt his words sink in. Could he go to Hogwarts? He still remembered the painful day when his parents had explained to him why he wouldn't be able to go to school like other young witches and wizards. He had been devastated but several years had passed since then and the disappointment had long since turned into bitter acceptance. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but he could feel hope swelling in his chest.

"I don't think you understand—" Lyall began but Dumbledore interrupted.

"Special arrangements will need to be made, of course. I've begun construction of a house in Hogsmeade. Once it's complete it'll be perfectly secure. Remus will be escorted there every month before the full moon by our resident healer, Madame Pomfrey and she will retrieve him at moonset and treat all of his injuries."

"She knows about Remus?" Hope asked nervously.

"Not yet, but I trust her implicitly. She'll keep his secret safe."

"And what about his teachers? Will they know about his condition as well? Do you trust _all_ of your staff _implicitly_?" Lyall's voice was strained.

"I don't believe Remus' condition should be broadcasted. A few of my staff members will know: Madame Pomfrey, the heads of the houses, and our new headmistress Professor McGonagall. Our groundskeeper will also be informed," Lyall scoffed, "But I assure you that I would trust all of them with my life."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that his other teachers won't figure out what he is?"

"Although your son will be the first student at Hogwarts with this particular affliction, he won't be the first student who's suffered from a chronic illness while attending. I firmly believe that with some intervention on my part, none of the teachers will have a reason to suspect that Remus is anything other than ill."

"This just seems like a bad idea to me. We've worked so hard to keep him safe all these years, if he's exposed…"

"Lyall, we can't protect him forever. This may be the only chance he has at a semi-normal life, don't hold him back because you're scared he might get hurt." All eyes in the room turned to Hope, "I'm scared too, but I also know that this is what we've always wanted for our son, it's what he's always wanted. We'd have to be fools to not, at the very least, consider what he's offering."

Although she spoke gently, there was a quiet strength behind her words that left both Lyall and Remus speechless, Dumbledore beamed.

After a moment, Lyall's shoulders dropped—the wild tension had left him and he sighed. He knew his wife was right.

"Well Remus," he jumped as Dumbledore addressed him directly, he'd grown used to being a silent observer, "the decision is yours… Would you like to attend Hogwarts?"

For a split second, Remus imagined everything that could possibly go wrong if he went, but the joy that bubbled inside of him was so overwhelming he couldn't suppress the goofy grin that spread on his face.

"Yes."

"Well," Dumbledore said cheerfully, "that settles it then."

Remus was going to Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter 2: The Sorting

**A/N: Well, Remus is going to Hogwarts, and I still don't own the Harry Potter universe—all characters and settings belong to J.K. Rowling. I haven't had a chance to proof-read this chapter as well as I would have liked, but hopefully the typos are minimal. Enjoy! And please read and review. **

* * *

Chapter 2: The Sorting

Although Remus' father was a wizard and his mother had known about the wizarding world for years, he suspected that he and his parents looked as uncomfortable and out of place as any of the muggleborn families standing on Platform 9 ¾ that day.

Lyall kept glancing around nervously as if he expected someone to take one look at his son and scream "WEREWOLF!" It was clear that he was proud of his son, but standing in the middle of such a crowded station with pure-blooded wizarding families all around, his nerves were finally getting the better of him.

Hope continually fussed over Remus, combing her fingers through his hair and straightening his robes every few minutes—he noted with some embarrassment that he was one of the few students already wearing his school uniform. She kept making small worried noises in the back of her throat and got teary-eyed every time he tried to reassure her.

Remus was trying very hard to suppress his own nervousness. His parents were extremely anxious as it was, and he worried that if he let on to how scared he felt it would be the tipping point and his parents would change their minds and take him home. In all honesty, Remus was still reeling from their trip to Diagon Alley a few days ago, he'd never seen so many people in one place and the sights, smells, and sounds had been completely overwhelming. Platform 9 ¾ wasn't as crowded or hectic, but Remus felt just as intimidated.

"Please be careful Remus."

"I will be."

"And listen to Madame Pomfrey."

"I will."

"And study hard and be sure to write home often."

"I _will _mum…" Remus didn't think he could take any more of her fretting.

Hope drew her son into a tight hug. He looked up to his father imploringly, but Lyall only shrugged. The longer she held him, the harder it was to ignore the way she was pressing into the half-healed wound on his arm from the last full moon a little over a week ago.

"Mum, my arm…"

"Oh!" She looked apologetic as she let him go, "I'm sorry dear." She kissed his forehead and took a step back.

His father gave him a mercifully quick hug, "Off you go then."

Remus gave his parents a small smile before grabbing his trunk and boarding the train.

* * *

When he first boarded the train, he told himself that he would sit with other first years, but as soon as he'd spotted the first compartment with students who looked to be around his age, Remus lost his nerve. The two dark haired boys inside were talking animatedly to each other and he realized he had no idea what boys his age talked about. He didn't want his classmates to think he was strange before he'd even made it off the train, so he carried on, walking the entire length of the Hogwarts Express before he found an empty compartment.

Once he settled, he pulled out his copy of _Hogwarts: A History_ and began reading. Half an hour passed in blissful solitude, the anxiety that had been building inside of him for over a month began to dissipate.

_This isn't so bad_, he thought. Suddenly all the time he'd spent worrying about going to Hogwarts seemed silly. But then there was a knock on the compartment door and Remus felt every muscle in his body tense instantly.

The door slid open and a red-headed girl and a dark haired boy walked in.

"Are these seats free?" the girl asked cheerily, "We were sitting in another compartment earlier but the boys there were extremely rude and it looks like everywhere else is full."

Before Remus could even respond though, she'd sat down in the seat across from him. The other boy followed her lead.

"My name's Lily and this is Severus." She grinned.

"Remus."

"Nice to meet you! Are you a first year too?"

Remus nodded shyly.

"And are your parents magical?" Lily asked, Remus noticed that the boy, Severus, was suddenly looking at him interestedly.

"Er… well my dad's a wizard but mum's a muggle…" It seemed like an odd question to him. Lily continued to grin but Severus seemed to lose interest. Had it been the wrong answer?

"Sev's mum is a witch, but I'm the first magic one in my family."

"She's brilliant though." Severus said defensively. Remus wasn't sure what he was getting defensive about; all Lily had said was that her parents were muggles.

Thinking the conversation was over he turned back to his book, but barely a paragraph later Lily interrupted again.

"Have you got a pet?"

"No, but—" He was just about to explain that most animals didn't like him when she cut him off.

"That's alright. I haven't got a pet either. Mum said she might get me a cat next year if my grades are good."

"An owl would be more useful." Severus added but Lily rolled her eyes.

"But I've _always_ wanted a cat Sev. And besides, you can't cuddle a bird." The dark-haired boy gave her a crooked smile.

"What about you Remus? If you could have a pet, what kind would you want?" Severus looked a little jealous as Lily's attention was drawn back to Remus.

"A dog, I suppose." The only animal he could remember ever remotely liking him had been a neighbor's German Shepard a couple years back.

"You can't bring a dog to Hogwarts," Severus said snappishly, "Only cats, owls, and toads. It was in the acceptance letter, on the supplies list." Remus felt a blush creeping up his neck.

"Don't be mean Sev, I didn't say it had to be a pet he could bring to Hogwarts. I've always wanted a dog too Remus." Lily defending him only made his blush worse but he smiled at the girl, appreciating the kind gesture.

They spent the rest of the train ride this way: Lily talking animatedly and Remus giving timid replies, occasionally Severus would join the conversation but Remus noticed that the other boy never spoke to him directly. Lily seemed unfazed by Remus' shyness and gradually he began to feel more confident—talking to kids his own age wasn't so difficult after all.

* * *

"Remus Lupin," McGonagall called. Remus jumped, he'd been more lost in thought than he'd realized—half of the first years had already been sorted. Ever since they'd been led into the Great Hall, he'd been captivated by the ceiling which mirrored the night sky perfectly. The sickle moon had caught his attention at first but the stars were what held it—he'd never seen so many stars in his life, not even when his family had lived in small villages that were miles away from any city.

At the sound of his own name being called though, Remus managed to refocus. He eyed the staff table anxiously as he approached the Sorting Hat: some of the people sitting up there _knew_ what he was. He looked at each of them, trying to pick out who looked disgusted and who looked oblivious, but all the faces just seemed somewhat curious and perhaps a little encouraging. Dumbledore, who sat in the middle of the staff table, gave him an especially warm smile.

He sat on the stool and the Headmistress plopped the shabby hat down onto his head. It was so large he could barely see anything from under its brim.

"_What's this?_" a voice hissed into his ear and he started slightly, "_A werewolf?_"

_Please don't say anything,_ he thought desperately.

"_Don't be foolish, what I have to say is for your ears only. You're Lyall Lupin's boy, now there was a true Ravenclaw._"

_You remember my dad?_

"_I remember every student I've ever sorted. You're definitely the first werewolf though. You're so like your father, but Ravenclaw isn't for you._"

_It's not?_

"_No, no, no. You're clever enough, certainly, but there's so much more to you than that…_"

_Like what?_

"_I see strength and courage._"

_Courage?! _Remus almost snorted aloud, _I'm anything but courageous. I haven't been able to eat or sleep properly for over a month because I've been so scared about coming here_.

"_And yet, you're here._"

He was about to protest some more but the voice shouted, "GRYFFINDOR" and the hat was pulled off his head.

Remus stayed seated, stunned. He hadn't really cared about which house he ended up in before—he'd just been so grateful that he could even go to Hogwarts, but Gryffindor seemed like a poor fit. He wasn't brave, or strong, or even good… The scars on his mother's arm reminded him of that every day. The hat must have been wrong.

Professor McGonagall gave him a gentle pat on the back which snapped him out of his daze and he became aware that the Gryffindor table was cheering. The attention made me blush furiously and he hurried to joined them.

At some point Lily had obviously been sorted there and she gave Remus an encouraging smile as he sat down next to her. At least she was in the same house as him.

Remus looked back up at the staff table as the next student was called forward and he noticed that Dumbledore was staring straight at him, beaming. For a split second, he could've sworn he saw the old man wink. And the Sorting continued.


	4. Chapter 3: The First Night

**A/N: Another quick update, I'll confess I'm eager to get through this chapter and start writing the next one which will follow Remus through his first full moon at Hogwarts—so I apologize for any typos that I might have missed. Please read and review.**

* * *

Chapter 3: The First Night

The rest of the Sorting went smoothly; four boys and five girls joined Gryffindor.

Remus recognized two of the boys from the train; they'd been in the compartment he didn't have the nerve to enter. They'd given each other a high five once the boy with the glasses had joined their table, and he suspected they must have known each other from before. The third boy had blond hair and a round boyish face, he looked as nervous as Remus had felt all day and he felt his heart twinge with sympathy. Lily looked close to tears after her friend Severus was sorted into Slytherin and Remus wanted to comfort her but he didn't know where to start.

Dumbledore gave a quick speech welcoming the first years and reminding everyone that the Forbidden Forest was in fact, forbidden. He also informed the students that a rare tree had been planted near the forest at the request of Professor Sprout, the herbology teacher—he warned everyone that the tree had a violent temperament and was not to be approached under any circumstances.

As soon as his speech was over, food magically appeared on each of the tables. Several students cheered and conversations broke out all across the hall, the noise was deafening but Remus couldn't stop smiling. Even Lily seemed to perk up at the sight of food and began talking to one of the other first year girls.

Remus served himself a steak, his stomach rumbling, but as soon as he cut into it he felt his appetite disappear. It was cooked nearly all the way through—at home Hope would barely warm her son's meat before serving it to him and his parents often teased him about liking his beef practically raw. He poked a piece experimentally with his fork a few times… It didn't look right, it didn't smell right—he took a tentative bite—and it definitely didn't taste right.

He looked around the table to see if anyone was actually enjoying the steak, when he noticed that the first year boy with the glasses was giving him a quizzical look.

"What?" Remus asked.

The boy looked amused, "Is there something wrong with it?"

Remus blushed, "Er… it's a bit over-done for me."

The other boy laughed, "Well then get something else."

"I feel badly about wasting it."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," he gestured to the rest of the table and Remus saw that many of the other students were shoveling more food onto their plates than they could possibly eat.

He grinned sheepishly and spooned some chicken onto his plate, deciding that it was probably the safest choice.

"What did you say your name was again?" The boy asked. Remus was about to point out that he hadn't actually given his name yet when he decided it might not be wise to correct his new dorm mate on the first day.

"Remus."

"I'm James."

"Are you a muggleborn?" The other dark-haired boy asked excitedly.

"Uh, no… but my mum's a muggle."

"Brilliant," the boy gave him a giant grin, Remus frowned in confusion.

"His parents have sheltered him for years—never known anyone who wasn't a pure blood. Isn't that right Sirius?" James explained.

"They're nutters, both of them. I couldn't wait to come to Hogwarts, they practically keep my brother and I locked up at home."

"I know the feeling." As soon as Remus said it, he felt the color drain from his face, "M-my parents are very protective too," he added hastily, but neither James nor Sirius seemed to notice his panic.

"They're going to be pissed that I'm not in Slytherin," Sirius laughed but there was a glimmer of fear in his eyes, "Everyone in my family has been in Slytherin for generations—even Andy and she's the decent one."

"I still can't believe you're a Black… You seem so normal," said James. Sirius snorted.

"You've only known me for a couple of hours. Let's see if you still feel that way in a few weeks. _I _can't believe I'm already friends with a Potter. My parents say you're all blood traitors." He rolled his eyes. "What about you?" Sirius turned his attention back to Remus.

"Er, what about me?"

Sirius laughed again, "What's your last name?"

"Oh. Lupin."

"And you didn't end up in Ravenclaw?" Remus could only gawk at the other boy.

"I had to learn about all the pure-blood families growing up," Sirius explained, "Even the smaller families and the blood traitors."

"Bloody hell," James breathed.

"I told you, my family is _completely_ insane. To them, it's not enough to only know purebloods; they've got to be the right _kind_ of purebloods."

"Sounds like a nightmare," said Remus after a moment of stunned silence.

"It is," Sirius agreed grimly.

Remus knew next to nothing about his extended family: he was vaguely aware that his father's parents had both gone to Hogwarts and that John Lupin had died while Lyall was still in school, but that was about it. When Remus was bitten, both of his parents cut ties to their families and refused to discuss the matter; the one time he'd pressed the issue with his mother she'd burst into tears, after that he didn't ask again. He suspected that Sirius knew more about his family than he did, it was an unsettling thought.

"Anyways," James said with a forced cheerfulness, "Which classes are you looking forward to the most?"

And with that, the conversation took on a much more pleasant note which continued through the rest of the feast.

* * *

The first night went surprisingly well. James and Sirius included Remus in their discussions, much to his amazement—he hadn't expected to be welcomed so readily.

The third boy, Peter, had fallen asleep almost as soon as they made it into the dorm room. James and Sirius started a pillow fight, and Remus (after quickly changing into his pajamas in the privacy of the bathroom) was happy to watch from the sidelines.

Eventually they all managed to fall asleep. Remus found James and Peter's rhythmic snoring oddly soothing and he experienced the deepest and most restful sleep he'd had in months.

He was the first to wake up the next morning and Remus used the opportunity to take a shower before the other boys got up, he couldn't risk anyone seeing his scars. By the time he emerged, fully dressed, Sirius was sitting upright in bed stretching, James was blindly grabbing at his bedside table looking for his glasses, and Peter was still softly snoring.

"You better get ready, breakfast starts in fifteen minutes." He warned.

"Huh?" Peter finally stirred.

"Don't let us hold you up mate, we'll meet you down there," said James.

Remus ran into Lily in the Common Room and they made their way down to the Great Hall together. She was much more cheerful than she had been at the feast and he learned that Lily had already made friends with two of the girls in her dorm room.

The other Gryffindor boys appeared fifteen minutes later. At the sight of James and Sirius approaching, Lily excused herself and moved further down the table to sit with the other first year girls, shooting Remus an apologetic look.

Near the end of breakfast, Professor McGonagall came by giving out timetables, he couldn't help but notice that he was the last one to be handed his schedule.

"Mr. Lupin, I need to have a word with you. Please follow me." He felt his cheeks burning as everyone sitting at their end of the table turned to look at him. Remus gathered up his things, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone, and followed the headmistress out of the Great Hall.

They walked in silence for a few minutes but eventually he worked up the nerve to speak.

"Er… Professor, where are we going?" He was struggling to keep up with her brisk pace.

McGonagall didn't slow, "My office. I'm sorry about all of this, but I just want to be sure that no one will overhear us. We're almost there." She glanced back and gave him a reassuring smile.

They rounded a corner, turned into a classroom, and climbed up half a flight of stairs and Remus found himself in a pristine office. All of the furniture looked brand new but otherwise plain and unassuming. McGonagall sat down behind a large desk and gestured to a chair on the opposite side.

"Please, take a seat." Remus obliged, "I would like to discuss the arrangements that have been made to accommodate your condition. I know that Professor Dumbledore explained some of them to you back in February but I wanted to ensure that you were clear on all the details so that we can avoid any surprises. What do you know already?"

"Professor Dumbledore said that the school nurse would take me to a house in Hogsmeade before the full moon every month and that she'll come to collect me when the next day. He said that the house will be safe. But that's about all I know…" McGonagall nodded.

"Yes, the house is completely secure. There's no way to enter it from the outside, instead there's an underground tunnel that goes from Hogwarts directly into the house—"

"But what if someone finds the tunnel?!" he panicked.

"It's alright Mr. Lupin, I assure you that the headmaster has taken that possibility into consideration. Professor Dumbledore managed to acquire a whomping willow over the summer which has been planted over the entrance to the tunnel, he mentioned it last night—the tree will attack anyone and anything that approaches it. There's a secret way to subdue it for a moment, giving you just enough time to enter safely, but Madame Pomfrey will explain that to you in a few weeks' time."

"In the meantime, please see me if you have any questions or concerns. As the head of your house, I would prefer it if you came to me first, but Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Slughorn are also informed about your condition and would be happy to assist you in any way that they can. All of your other professors have been told that you're ill and won't question any of your absences, but I must stress that you should not and cannot share the true nature of your condition with them."

Remus had to resist the urge to laugh, if it were up to him—none of his professors would know about his condition. He was already mortified that so many people knew about his lycanthropy and he would rather be tortured than have to tell someone that he was a werewolf.

But Remus kept a straight face, nodded and mumbled a quick, "Of course."

"Madame Pomfrey obviously knows about your condition, and Hagrid, the groundskeeper, knows as well. Both are excellent resources if you need someone to talk to."

"Why does the groundskeeper need to know?" Remus felt slightly annoyed, he half-expected to discover that all the school ghosts knew what he was too.

"Hagrid has been working with Professor Sprout to ensure that the whomping willow thrives. Despite their aggressiveness, whomping willows are notoriously sensitive plants that don't handle change well, and Hagrid has a talent for caring for…" McGonagall hesitated, searching for the right word, "misunderstood things. He'll keep your secret safe." She concluded.

"Do you have any questions?"

"No," Remus paused, "Not right now at least."

McGonagall smiled, "Then I'll show you the way to the Hospital Wing and introduce you to Madame Pomfrey. We still have a bit of time before your first Transfiguration class is due to start."


	5. Chapter 4: September Moon

**A/N: Well here's a slightly longer chapter. I'm honestly shocked by how quickly I managed to write it. Apparently all those nights of frantic essay writing at university were good for something. Anyways, here's Remus' first full moon at Hogwarts. Hope you enjoy! Please read and review.**

* * *

Chapter 4: September Moon

The first day of classes flew by.

They started with Transfigurations and Remus discovered that Professor McGonagall was actually quite a strict teacher. Most of the class had groaned when she assigned three chapters worth of reading as homework and he kept the fact that he'd already read the entire textbook to himself. The class itself was all lecture and no practice, but Remus enjoyed it immensely nevertheless.

When the lesson ended, the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students rushed out the door eager to get to the Great Hall in time for lunch. Remus moved at a more leisurely pace but still managed to catch up to James and Sirius who appeared to be having an intense conversation with a painting of an elderly man dressed in brilliant orange robes.

"Tickle the pear!?" Remus heard Sirius laugh as he approached, "You're pulling my leg."

"Suit yourself then," the portrait scowled, "Youth today… so full of themselves they won't even listen to my advice anymore... That's the last time I try to help the students…" The old man continued to mumble incoherently to himself, and James turned to face Remus.

"There you are! Come on, let's go get some lunch. I'm starving!"

"What was _that_ about?" Remus asked once they'd put some distance between themselves and the painting.

"Something about the kitchens and tickling the pear," said Sirius.

"_The _pear? Which pear is that?" Sirius just shrugged.

"I bet he tells that to all the first years and waits to see who's gullible enough to go around tickling random pears," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Sounds to me like he's got a few screws loose in his head," James added.

The boys went to lunch and then it was Charms.

Unlike McGonagall's class, there was some practice during the lesson but it was fairly half-hearted: Professor Flitwick assigned the reading for the spell as homework so that the class could try it in earnest during the next lesson, still a handful of students, Remus included, managed to get their feathers to hover slightly.

It felt weird to be using a wand… the hand movement needed to be just so and the pronunciation was crucial but it required much less energy than the magic his father had taught him. He figured that he'd eventually get used to it.

Charms ended and the students had several hours of free time before dinner started. Most of the first year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students went outside to do their Transfiguration homework together, while James and Sirius decided to use the opportunity to explore the castle instead.

Remus had already done the reading and was feeling drained after spending over 24 hours in constant contact with people he didn't know, so he used the time to wander the grounds a little and look for the Whomping Willow.

It didn't take long to find it.

On the edge of the Forbidden Forest, next to the lake, was a tree that looked sorely out of place amongst the beautiful and well-maintained trees on the grounds. It was twisted and dark and its branches seemed to sway in a non-existent breeze. He approached it slowly, trying to spot the entrance to the tunnel that led to the mysterious safe house. He couldn't see anything though and was just about to take another step closer when a great booming voice shouted, "HEY!"

He jumped and spun around. The largest man he'd ever seen was lumbering towards him. Remus gave low growl that rumbled deep in his throat as the wolf in him (even this far away from the next full moon) felt threatened and cornered. He took a defensive step back and the giant stopped, picking up on Remus' fear.

"Sorry. I didn' mean to scare yeh. It's jus' that Dumbledore says that no one's suppos'd to go near that tree. It'll snap a man's arm in half." The man picked up a large rock from the ground "Here, see…" he tossed it towards the tree, careful not to put enough force behind it to hit the trunk, and the tree came to life. It began thrashing violently and aimlessly, it's long spidery branches cracking like whips, Remus could only watch in awe.

After a few minutes the tree began to calm down and returned to its unsettling swaying, Remus turned to see the man grinning at him.

"The name's Hagrid," he said, "I'm the groundskeeper here. What's yer name?"

Remus felt his heart start pounding.

He_ knows I'm a werewolf!? He could crush my skull with one hand if he wanted to…_

"I'm Remus," his voice was faint and he wondered if he'd even spoken aloud when he saw the way the Hagrid's eyes widened.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, "Oh! Yer Remus?" Remus watched him cautiously, ready to run at any moment if need be, but Hagrid's grin only widened and he laughed, "I thought yeh'd be taller."

Remus smiled and the wolf retreated again. As the tension suddenly left his body he felt light-headed and stumbled slightly.

"Alright there?" By the time Hagrid got to him Remus was already feeling fine again, but groundskeeper still looked concerned. "A nice cup o' tea will fix yeh right up."

By the time Remus returned to the school for dinner, he'd learned two very important things about Hagrid: firstly, never eat anything the man cooked himself, and secondly Hagrid was indeed someone he could trust but also someone who would never judge him. It was a wonderful discovery.

* * *

The next two and a half weeks were like something from a dream. Remus was doing well in all of his classes (however he quickly learned that Potions was not his strength) and he especially loved Defense Against the Dark Arts. Although James and Sirius were practically joined at the hip and spent every other night in detention together, they welcomed him with open arms and quickly became his best friends. Peter was still somewhat on the outside of their group, but the more confident Remus became around the other two boys the more comfortable he was with inviting Peter along too. Lily kept him company when James and Sirius were in detention and she and Remus became fast friends as well.

It wasn't meant to last though.

Three days before the full moon Remus woke up before the other boys and silently slipped into the bathroom, as usual. He was brushing his teeth in front the mirror when he noticed the telltale pallor that came with the impending transformation.

Remus sighed and leaned in closer to the mirror, examining his appearance carefully.

It really wasn't that bad yet… Some months were better than others. Normally, he would start to look a bit peaky three to four days before the full moon, on a good month— only a day or two before, and when it was bad it could be up to a week beforehand. This month looked like it was going to be average and Remus, who'd been so euphoric over the last few weeks he'd nearly forgotten about the moon, suddenly worried how he was going to explain his deteriorating health to his friends over the coming days.

He bit his bottom lip anxiously. Maybe he could convince them that he was coming down with the flu?

As the day went on, James, Sirius, and Peter didn't seem to notice his paleness or the shadows under his eyes, much to his relief. In Transfigurations, Professor McGonagall gave him a scrutinizing look but said nothing. It wasn't until lunch, when the familiar dull ache began to seep into his bones, that Lily was the first to comment on his appearance.

"Remus, are you alright?" James and Sirius looked up at Lily's remark.

"I'm fine," he tried to sound reassuring but she only frowned.

"You don't look well and you haven't touched your lunch…"

Remus looked down at his meal— his stomach rolled at the sight of the vegetable soup.

"I'm not hungry. I had a big breakfast." Lily looked unconvinced.

"Still, maybe you should go to the infirmary…"

"I told you, I'm fine Lily." He snapped. Immediately he wished he hadn't as a look of hurt crossed her face.

"Who do you think you are, his mother?" James taunted, "If anyone needs your nagging it's Snivellus, slimy git can't even remember to wash his hair." Remus slid down in his seat and wishing he could just disappear.

"You're a prat Potter!" She scowled, "Remus is my friend too, and I'm allowed to care about him… especially when he's looking ill." James glanced back at him.

"He looks fine to me," he said mildly.

"Fine then," Lily said shortly, "Forget I said anything." And with that, she stood up and stormed out of the hall.

Lily avoided Remus for the rest of the day.

* * *

That night, Remus lay in bed tossing and turning trying to think of what he could tell his friends to explain his absence. Nothing seemed believable enough. It was nearly three in the morning when he finally drifted off into a fitful sleep…

_He was sitting in class, or rather, he was outside of his body watching himself sitting in class. He was taking notes while Professor Binns' droned on and on about the Goblin Wars when Remus noticed that his hands had started to shake. His shoulders became rigid and hair began sprouting on his face. No one seemed to notice though, most of the students were asleep and Professor Binns' was completely oblivious as usual. Remus was the only one who could see what was happening._

_"NO!" He screamed at himself, "What're you doing!? Stop! NO! NO! NO! NO!" But his bones started cracking and the sound drew James and Sirius out of their daze, even Peter stirred from his Binns'-induced sleep._

_"What's going on?" Peter asked groggily._

_"Remus?" The three boys approached him._

_"No! Get away! Stop!" He shrieked at them, but they only moved closer. Why weren't they running? He watched as terror replaced confusion on their faces— finally they realized what was happening to their friend. But it was too late, the transformation had already ended and Remus stared in horror at the creature that was now standing in his place._

_"What do we do?" Sirius cried. _Run, _he thought desperately. _Run_! _

_The wolf jumped onto James, knocking him over._

_"NO! STOP! PLEASE!" Remus shrieked at the wolf. The wolf ignored him and tore his friend's throat out._

_"REMUS! REMUS!" James cried as blood pooled beneath him, "REMUS WAKE UP!"_

Someone was shaking him and he opened his eyes to see three petrified faces looking down at him. His body was drenched in a cold sweat and he tried to scramble away from his friends—the nightmare's images still fresh in his mind.

"What's going on?" He asked weakly, relieved to see James looking intact.

"You were screaming bloody murder in your sleep." Sirius looked shaken.

"I'm sorry," Remus' whole body was trembling, "I-I didn't mean to wake you."

"Are you alright, mate?" James was giving him an intense stare.

"Maybe I should go get Professor McGonagall…" Peter supplied.

"That sounds like a good idea," James agreed.

"No!" Remus pleaded, "No, it's alright… I'm fine now. It was only a nightmare, please just go back to bed."

"I've _never _heard anyone scream like that in their sleep…" Sirius said hollowly.

It took another five minutes of reassuring his friends that he was alright before everyone returned to their own beds. Remus didn't go back to sleep and judging by the rare silence in the rest of the room—none of the other boys managed to sleep either.

* * *

The next day was awful. The lack of sleep had only exacerbated the effects of the approaching full moon: Remus now looked undeniably sick and he could feel the fever starting as his head throbbed and his bones ached. His friends and even the D.A.D.A. professor gave him worried looks all morning and during Herbology in the afternoon, Professor Sprout even offered to take him to the Hospital Wing—he quietly reminded her that the full moon wasn't until tomorrow and that he was fine. Remus was so exhausted by the end of the day that he didn't bother to attend dinner; he was too nauseous to eat anyways. Worst of all, he'd snapped at his friends when they brought him some food from the Great Hall later that night.

At home, Remus hardly did anything in the days leading up to the full moon. His parents wouldn't let him leave the house once he started to look sick, and he'd spend the time reading and resting—he couldn't do that at Hogwarts, he had classes to attend and homework to do.

And so on the day of the full moon, after another sleepless night, Remus got up with every intention of going to class, but James and Sirius took one look at him and proceeded to half-drag, half-carry the protesting werewolf all the way to the Hospital Wing.

"I can't miss class," he insisted as Madame Pomfrey helped him into a bed.

"Nonsense, you're not going to class in this state," she scolded.

"But we have Potions today!" he cried.

"Don't worry mate," James said reassuringly from the foot of the bed, "We'll take notes for you. Won't we Sirius?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed, "Sure."

"Just get better." James smiled at him and Remus gave a meek smile in return.

The rest of the day passed in a heated confusion. Madame Pomfrey pumped him full of potions: sleeping draughts, pain relievers, fever reducers… Nothing helped as much as it was supposed to though and the nurse fretted and fussed over him. Remus was too tired to object.

Around lunch time, James and Sirius came by to check on him but Madame Pomfrey chased them away. Remus was touched that his new friends had come back to visit but he was even more relieved that they hadn't been allowed to see him; he didn't want _anyone_ to see him like this, least of all his friends.

"Is it always this bad Remus?" the nurse asked as she took his temperature for what had to be the hundredth time. He just gave her a non-committal shrug. In truth, this month really wasn't that bad, he'd lost his appetite a little earlier than usual but he believed that his nerves had played a role in that.

Madame Pomfrey grew more and more flustered as his temperature continued to rise as the afternoon wore on despite her care and Remus didn't have the heart to tell her that nothing ever helped him in the hours before the change.

Dumbledore showed up a little more than two hours before moonrise with an uncharacteristically grim expression on his face. The school nurse helped him out of bed and the three set off towards the ominous looking tree.

The sun was beginning to set and Remus stumbled as tiny tremors began to wrack his exhausted body.

"Now then," Dumbledore explained as they came to a halt in front of the Whomping Willow, "there's a particular knot that will, when pressed, freeze the branches for a minute or two." The headmaster waved his wand and a long branch appeared in his other hand, Remus watched carefully as he prodded a knot near the base of the tree. The unnatural swaying stopped.

"Come along dear," Madame Pomfrey said gently, giving him a small push from behind. He followed Professor Dumbledore into the tunnel, both he and the nurse had to stoop to fit but Remus was able to stand upright.

They moved slowly, the pre-transformation tremors were becoming more violent and Remus kept tripping. Eventually Madame Pomfrey ended up supporting him for the remainder of the journey. The tunnel felt endless and he began to worry that they might not make it to the house in time, but just as he was about to voice his concerns the ground slanted upwards and Professor Dumbledore stopped, reached up, and opened a trapdoor into a dark room. With Madame Pomfrey's help, Remus managed to scramble up into the house.

It was an eerie building. He knew that it was brand new but it gave the impression of a house that had been abandoned for years. The windows were shuttered and the paint was peeling from the walls. Some furniture was scattered haphazardly around the room—most of it looked to be antique and he worried that the wolf would destroy it all in a matter a minutes.

There was a strange muffled sound and he realized that they could hear people in the nearby town, the voices were distant but Remus felt bile rise up in his throat.

"Aren't there any silencing charms on the house?"

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore answered solemnly.

"So…" his mouth had gone dry, "They'll be able to hear _everything_?" Behind him, Madame Pomfrey gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"The people of Hogsmeade believe that this building was constructed to house several particularly violent spirits that I've been forced to relocate from the castle. I believe that we'll be able to deter any overly curious neighbors with your help."

Remus was about to protest when a wave of dizziness rocked him, the muscles in his abdomen contracted sharply and he gasped in surprise and pain. Madame Pomfrey kneeled beside him and gave the headmaster a meaningful look.

"We'd better go Albus," she said softly.

Dumbledore nodded, gave him an encouraging pat on the arm, and wished him luck; Madame Pomfrey gave him a quick hug and they left, securing the trap door behind them with a sickening squelch.

Remus quickly stripped and placed his clothing and his wand on top of a tall wardrobe hoping they'd be safe. He was about to start exploring the house when a sharp pain shot through his chest, knocking him to the ground with a yelp.

He curled into a ball on the floor as more stabs of agony flashed through him like lightning. His skin was on fire and he couldn't breathe, Remus started crying. His muscles were shaking, buzzing, as if his whole body was willing to moon to come and let the wolf claim him.

His thoughts began racing.

He wasn't going to scream this time; the people in the town below would hear him. They would hear him howling and snarling as he changed and they would know that a werewolf was inside and they would burn the house down.

Another painful spasm. Remus hugged his knees tighter. His heart was pounding.

_I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to scream._

A beam of moonlight shone in through the boards on the window and inched towards him.

Remus bit his lip.

_I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to—_

The moonlight touched his arm and Remus screamed.


	6. Chapter 5: Good Morning

**A/N: So I totally just realized that I've been misspelling Madam Pomfrey's name so far. In the books it's Madam not Madame—I apologize for the mistake and I've corrected it in this chapter and from here on out. Anyways, here's the morning after the full moon, enjoy! Please read and review. **

* * *

Chapter 5: Good Morning

Pain.

As usual that was the first thing Remus was aware of when he regained consciousness the next morning. After a minute or two he was able to discern more specifically where the pain was coming from. There was the usual all-over ache that came from the transformation itself—he felt as though he'd been running a marathon all night; and of course his throat burned from screaming and howling. He'd expected both. His head was pounding, he was cold, and he was sticky—he tried not to think about _why_ he was sticky too deeply. There was a particularly sharp stinging sensation coming from his left side and his right arm was throbbing, when Remus tried to move his fingers, the entire arm seized up.

_Broken_. He decided.

Gradually sound began to fill the room, dozens of birds were singing outside. Remus groaned as the noise rattled around in his head. A moment later another sound reached him: someone was walking on the creaky floor below.

_When did I come upstairs?_ He wondered dully.

"Remus?" Madam Pomfrey sounded scared and he knew that he should respond to reassure the poor woman, but at the mere thought of calling out his throat constricted uncomfortably. Remus tried to move his good arm out from underneath him so that he could push himself up but the resulting pain was so great it left him dizzy and he whimpered.

Someone was coming up the stairs and that was the last thing he knew before he lost consciousness again.

* * *

The next time Remus woke up he noticed several immediate improvements: he was comfortable, warm, and no longer sticky. The aches and pain were still there, but far less intense.

He cautiously opened one eye and was blinded by the bright lights of the infirmary. He moaned and screwed his eyes shut. He wanted to just go back to sleep but apparently Madam Pomfrey had heard him because a moment later she was hovering beside him.

"Oh good, you're awake."

Remus tried opening his eyes again but the light still stung, the nurse noticed his discomfort.

"Sorry dear, here…" He heard the curtains being drawn and the offending light dimmed. He looked around the room blearily, it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust and focus. He knew he was in the hospital wing but he didn't recognize the room…

"I thought it'd be best to put you in a private room," Madam Pomfrey seemed to have read his mind, "Your friends came by late last night and again this morning. I didn't think it was wise to let them see you like this. They are persistent though," she smiled.

"What did you tell them?" His voice was hoarse and as he spoke it felt like he was swallowing shards of glass.

"That you were very sick and needed to rest… I'm not sure that I'll be able to keep them away for much longer though."

Remus tried to sit up, "No don't—" the nurse said hastily, but he wasn't thinking clearly yet and didn't listen. He cried out in pain as his side felt like it was splitting.

"Here," Madam Pomfrey sounded flustered as she helped him sit upright. "Try not to move so much, you'll reopen your wounds…"

He looked down at his body trying to assess the damage but his pajamas hid most of his injuries: his left arm was in a sling and he wondered how he hadn't noticed it before, he could feel bandages covering most of his torso, and one foot was wrapped up tightly.

"Broken arm, cracked ribs, a fractured ankle, and not to mention all the scratches and bite marks. I still haven't been able to stop the bleeding from the one on your side. You had a rough night." The nurse looked pale and exhausted. "I know that werewolf wounds are notoriously difficult to heal, but I didn't realize they'd be this stubborn."

"Sorry…" Remus mumbled miserably.

"No dear, don't apologize. I was just surprised, that's all. I can fix the broken bones easily enough but I'm afraid the wounds will take a few days to properly heal." He nodded knowingly.

"What time is it?"

"It's nearly noon, I expect those friends of yours will be coming by again before lunch…"replied Madam Pomfrey as she started applying a strange green salve to the scratches on his forearm.

"I missed morning classes?" he panicked.

She gave a humorless laugh, "Yes, and you're going to miss your afternoon classes too. There's no way you're getting out of here today young man."

"I'll fall behind!" he protested.

"Nonsense, all of your teachers know that you're ill. They'll let you make up any work you miss."

"But, I'll have missed two days…"

"And tomorrow's Saturday. I'm sure those boys will tell you what you missed and you can catch up over the weekend."

He gave a small sigh of exasperation.

"I can take that sling off if you'd like. The bone's healed by now, but it will still ache for a day or two… it was a nasty break. I can give you something to help with the pain in the meantime."

Remus shook his head, "No, that's alright, I'm used to it."

Madam Pomfrey gave him a sad look but said nothing as she removed the sling on his arm.

"Thank you," he blurted out, "for this… for everything…" He gestured around the room, hoping it might help him communicate the sense of deep gratitude he had to the woman. It wasn't easy caring for a werewolf, he knew that from watching his parents—his mother still fainted on occasion when she saw him after a particularly bad full moon.

The nurse gave him an understanding smile.

"Madam Pomfrey!" James's voice rang through the entire hospital wing.

"And look who's right on time," she said, rolling her eyes. "Now Remus, they're going to want to see you. As long as you're dressed they won't be able to tell that you're hurt and they're starting to drive me mad. I think it would help them calm down if they could just see that you're alright. If you're not up to it though, I'll tell them you're still asleep. What would you like to do?"

"MADAM POMFREY!" Sirius called out even louder.

Remus sighed, acting defeated but secretly feeling elated that they'd come to check on him again.

"Let them in."

Madam Pomfrey looked relieved as she got up but as soon as she opened the door to his room she put on a stern expression, "For heaven's sake, would you keep your voices down! My patients are trying to rest!" She hissed.

"Can we see him _now_?" Sirius whined in an intentionally childish voice.

"Please?" James begged.

"Two minutes, but don't excite him—he's still very sick and if you're loud you'll have to leave."

"We'll be good! We promise!" Sirius actually sounded like he was ready to start bouncing off the walls.

The two boys entered the room with giant grins on their faces.

"REMUS!" They cried out in unison.

"Bloody hell, you look awful mate." James' smile faltered as he took a seat at the foot of the bed.

"Why has she got you quarantined?" Sirius asked as he looked around the room curiously.

"She was worried that I might be contagious." It was strange how quickly the lie came to him, "Don't worry, I'm not... at least not anymore." He smiled as James teasingly scooted further away from him.

"We brought you stuff," James reached into his bag and pulled out a small stack of papers covered in messy hand-writing.

"You took notes?" Remus was dumbfounded.

"We said we would, didn't we." Sirius grinned at him.

"Yes, but…" He was at a loss for words.

"They're only notes Remus… It's not like we taught a hippogriff to say your name." James rolled his eyes. "Oh and here," he reached into his bag and pulled out a box of Bertie Bott's, "Sugar makes everything better."

"Th-thank you. Really. This means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it," said Sirius. "So when are you getting out of here?"

Remus shrugged, "I think she's keeping me here overnight, hopefully I'll get to come back tomorrow."

"So what was wrong with you anyways?" James's tone was casual but Remus froze at the question.

Just then Madam Pomfrey walked in; she'd obviously been eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Alright, alright that's enough. You've seen your friend, he's alive and in one piece, but now he needs to rest. It's time to go."

James and Sirius protested but eventually gave in and left, promising to come back with before dinner with Transfiguration notes. The nurse followed them out of the room, not trusting that they'd actually leave without supervision.

Remus sorted through the notes carefully—they were surprisingly thorough though covered in doodles. Warmth filled his chest: they'd actually paid attention in class for him...

Madam Pomfrey came bustling back in, "Those boys are such a handful!" She huffed, but Remus noticed that she was smiling fondly.

"What should I tell them when they come back?"

"Just tell them that you had the flu dear," she suggested as she waved her wand and removed the bandages on his ankle. "Here, drink this," she pressed a goblet to his mouth and he drank the contents without question.

He wanted to argue that he couldn't say he had the flu every month but the potion must have been a sleeping draught because a moment later his eyelids were drooping and Remus drifted off into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 6: Toujours Pur

**A/N: Sorry about the slightly longer wait for this chapter. I just started a new job and discovered Pokemon X this week, hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter up soon. Enjoy! Please read and review.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Toujours Pur

Remus managed to escape the Hospital Wing during lunch on Saturday after promising Madam Pomfrey that he would go straight to the dormitory and that he'd return to have his bandages changed the next morning.

It took him quite a while to get to the Gryffindor common room because he was still a little weak and shaky from the transformation and by the time he'd managed to climb through the portrait hole everyone had gone to lunch. Remus took a seat by the fire for a moment to catch his breath, his side was aching from the exertion and he worried that he'd reopened the wound while climbing the stairs. He was just about to retreat to the dorm to check if he was bleeding again when the Fat Lady's portrait swung open and a furious-looking Lily Evans stormed through.

At the sight of Remus, she froze. He and Lily hadn't spoken since he'd snapped at her and he'd promised that he would apologize the next time he had a chance, but seeing the anger in her eyes, he floundered.

A timid, "Hi Lily," was all he managed to squeak.

To his relief, her expression softened.

"Remus!" she cried, "Where on earth have you been!?"

She hurried over to him and drew him into a tight hug. Remus had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out in pain.

"I had the flu…" he said through gritted teeth and Lily mercifully released him.

"Those stupid friends of yours wouldn't tell me why you weren't in class. They said that it was none of my business. I was so worried!" She gave him an appraising look, "You're better now though, aren't you? You still look a bit ill you know…"

He gave her a strained smile as he felt something warm and wet gush sickeningly from his side, "I'm much better now, I didn't mean to worry you. I just… Lily I'm so sorry."

"For what?" She frowned.

"For snapping at you the other day, you were just trying to be a good friend and I lashed out at you…"

Lily smiled warmly, "Remus, you don't need to apologize. I completely understand, I get cranky too when I'm not feeling well. Honestly, I'd completely forgotten about it…"

"So…" he hesitated, "you're not mad?"

"Of course not!" She stood up, "I came up here to grab something from my trunk, but I'm going back down to lunch in a minute, do you want to come?"

"I'm still a little tired… I think I'm just going to lie down for a while if that's alright." Remus felt extremely guilty turning down her offer, but he was anxious to get into the bathroom to check his side which felt like it was beginning to soak through the bandage and into his robes.

"No problem," she said cheerfully. She started to head up to the girl's dormitory but at the bottom of the steps she stopped and turned back to face him.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

He smiled as reassuringly as possible and nodded, "I'm fine, I promise."

Remus waited until Lily came back down with a book in hand and waved goodbye. After she climbed through the portrait hole he hesitated a moment longer before heading up to his own dormitory.

He staggered up the stairs, grabbed his own first aid kit from his trunk, and made straight for the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He took off his black school robes and discovered that he had, in fact, bled through his bandages and his shirt. He grimaced as he removed his shirt and carefully peeled the bandage off, the blood had already stopped flowing and was starting to congeal. Remus sighed with relief; he really did _not _want to have to go back to the Hospital Wing right after getting out.

He cleaned around the wound gingerly, careful not to actually touch it. It was a slow and tedious process. He was just starting to redress the scratch when he heard James' voice on the other side of the door.

"I can't stand that little Slytherin wannabe!" He fumed, "'_I have a right to know where he is! He's my friend too!'_" James whined in a mockingly high voice. "She didn't say anything when he wasn't in class on Thursday, did she? It's not as though she actually cares if Remus is alright. She's just a nosy little busybody who can't stand being out of the loop."

"When do you think he's getting back anyways?" Sirius asked casually, obviously trying to redirect James' attention.

Remus quickly turned on the sink faucet. Although he'd locked the door, he worried that one of his friends might not realize that the bathroom was occupied and try to barge in. He heard James laugh.

"I bet that's him…"

Remus was about to put his shirt back on and leave when he realized that he'd forgotten to take a clean top into the washroom with him. He tried to rinse the blood off—some of it came out, but not all of it. He swore under his breath. He couldn't go out there like this.

He vaguely remembered that his father had a spell which he used to clean up the aftermath of the full moon at home.

"Scourgify…" He tried hesitantly, the stain bubbled slightly but otherwise remained intact. Remus tried to picture the exact wand movements in his head.

"Scourgify," he repeated more confidently. The shirt foamed even more and once the bubbles dissipated, the blood was gone but the foam had left a strange blue coloration.

_Well, at least that's easier to explain than actual blood…_

Quickly he redressed, bundled up his school robes, and opened the bathroom door.

"Speak of the devil!" James grinned at him.

"And how's the invalid feeling today?" Sirius teased.

"Much better, thanks."

"What the hell happened to your shirt?" asked James staring at the wet, blue mess his friend was wearing.

"Spilled a bottle of ink on it, I was trying to wash it out," the lie came too easily.

"Just leave it for the house elves," Sirius said dismissively before flopping down on his bed.

"Oh. Right!" Remus feigned forgetfulness.

"You alright? You're still looking a bit rough…" said James in a serious tone.

He shrugged, "Madam Pomfrey wants me to check in again tomorrow, but I'm feeling fine. However, I am going to change into something dry and ideally not blue." Remus grinned, grabbed a clean shirt and retreated back into the bathroom to change.

* * *

The next morning, Remus dutifully reported into the Hospital Wing. All of his cuts and scratches were mostly healed except for the one on his side. Madam Pomfrey had frowned when she checked it and told him he'd have to drop by again after dinner.

Remus was walking to the Great Hall for breakfast when he heard Sirius' voice coming from an empty classroom.

"It's not like I had any control over it!"

He stopped outside the doorway and peered in: Sirius was standing the classroom with an older blonde girl who had her back to Remus. Neither of them seemed to realize that he was eavesdropping.

"I'll bet you _begged_ the hat to put you in Gryffindor!" she hissed venomously, "And now you're spending every waking minute following around a _Potter_" she spat out the name like it was a bad taste in her mouth. "You'll be disowned as a blood traitor if you don't stop this madness. Do you understand? _Disowned_!"

"And what about Andy?" Sirius shot back.

"Leave her out of this!" the blonde girl snapped, but this only seemed to spur Sirius on.

"She's been spending an awful lot of time with that muggleborn lately, hasn't she?" Remus felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw for the first time a new side to his friend. Sirius had obviously hit a nerve and was enjoying the pain he was managing to inflict—he looked positively predatory.

"You think my parents will disown me, the Black family heir, just because I wound up in the wrong house? Imagine what they'll do to her when she marries him…"

"She won't! It's just an infatuation, she'll remember her place soon enough." Remus almost felt sorry for the blonde girl who sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"You don't know your sister very well then… I think that the Cruciatus curse would be the least of her worries once your parents know."

"Shut up!"

"And what will Bellatrix do when she finds out? I'm sure she'll take the betrayal personally and you and I both know how she likes to deal with personal insults."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" She shrieked and slapped Sirius so hard his cheek started bleeding.

Sirius looked shocked as he staggered from the impact, but once he'd straightened up he looked calm, collected, and cold.

"My parents have already tried everything in their power to get me switched out of Gryffindor… It's not going to happen. If they can't do anything, _you_ certainly can't. The truth is that I never belonged in Slytherin. You should know better than anybody that you can't force a person to change just because you want them to." He took a step forward and the blonde girl took a trembling step back… it was strange but he seemed taller than her even though she had a good six or seven inches on him.

"You're going to stop spying on me. It's already bad enough that my parents know I'm in Gryffindor without you updating them on my every action. If you don't stop, I may just accidentally let it slip that Andy's been a little too friendly with a certain Hufflepuff…"

"You're lying!" the girl cried, "You love Andy too! You'd never hurt her just to get back at me!"

"Don't underestimate me Narcissa," Sirius warned.

"You're a monster," she hissed before turning and running out of the room, shoving Remus aside. Sirius, obviously still unaware that anyone was watching, sighed and sank down into a chair. His hands were shaking as he reached up and touched his bleeding cheek. He looked so much smaller than he had a second ago, he looked weak and scared. Remus contemplated just walking away and going to breakfast and pretending he hadn't seen anything, but he knew it would be wrong to leave his friend like this.

"Sirius…" He said softly after a minute, trying not to startle him but Sirius jumped anyways.

"Remus!" He quickly sat up straight, "How long have you been standing there?"

"A while…"

"So you saw everything then?" Remus could've sworn he saw his friend blush. He nodded and Sirius looked away, as if he couldn't stand the sight of him anymore.

"At least now I know to never get on your bad side," he tried to keep his tone casual and light to help Sirius cheer up, but the other boy just looked even more miserable.

"I don't want to be like them," he said defensively, "But the only way I can get any of my family to listen to me is by stooping to their level. Narcissa was right, I'd never do anything to hurt Andy…"

"They're your cousins?"

Sirius nodded, "Yeah. Narcissa's a proper Slytherin, she's all drive and ambition and commitment to the blood line and Bellatrix graduated a few years ago, she's a real Slytherin too except she's completely deranged. Andromeda's too good to be in the same house as them…"

"So what happened?" Remus asked as he cautiously crossed the classroom and took a seat across from his friend.

"Narcissa's been following me around and sending letters to my parents about who I'm friends with, what I'm doing, and where I go—trying to get me into more trouble and get herself into their good books." Sirius rolled his eyes, "I've already confronted her about it, but she wouldn't stop. So I had to use the Black-family way…"

"Threatening her?" The black-haired boy sighed.

"Maybe I am like them after all… Maybe I am a monster."

"You're not," Remus blurted out and Sirius looked up from his hands and gave him a curious look, "You're not a monster." He'd heard the exact same thing from his parents for years; Sirius didn't look like he believed it and he couldn't blame him—he never believed his parents either.

Sirius gave a half-hearted smile.

"You're not." Remus repeated wishing he could think of more to say to convince him.

"You know what? I'm starving. Let's go grab breakfast." And just like that the shadow of doubt and misery was gone from his face and the mischievous spark seemed to return. Remus knew that Sirius was just trying to change the subject, but he didn't have the heart to call him out on it. Instead, he smiled and nodded and the two headed to the Great Hall together.

Just before they reached it though, Sirius stopped and turned to Remus.

"Don't tell James. If he finds out my family's been giving me a hard time he'll try to get involved. I can handle them on my own."

"I won't say a word," he assured him. Sirius gave him a grateful smile and they entered the hall and took their usual seats as if nothing had happened at all.


	8. Chapter 7: Peter Pettigrew

**A/N: So here's the latest chapter—it was time to bring Peter into the story a little more. Next chapter will cover Halloween! Woohoo! It's a few weeks too late to be in time for actual Halloween, but you can't win them all. Enjoy**

* * *

Chapter 7: Peter Pettigrew

The next few weeks went by without a hitch. Remus was able to quickly catch up on the schoolwork he'd missed and soon all of his classmates had forgotten about his disappearance. Sirius continued to act unfazed by his fight with his cousin and he and James spent most of their excess energy exploring the castle and tormenting Snape. Remus occasionally joined them on their expeditions and looked the other way when they confronted Severus. Together they managed to discover two secret passageways and three hidden rooms which they recorded in one of James' spare notebooks.

Remus was having so much fun with Lily, James, and Sirius he'd forgotten about his efforts to include Peter more often—neither of the other Gryffindor boys were particularly receptive to the fourth boy and it'd been easier to leave it alone rather than force the issue.

And so, when Remus saw Peter Pettigrew sitting alone in the library on a Sunday in mid-October, he didn't think to immediately join him… It was only when he realized that all of the tables were occupied that he walked up to the chubby boy and asked if he could sit with him.

Peter gave him a wide-eyed look and stammered an over-eager, "S-sure!"

Remus took out his Potions book and began taking notes.

"Are you studying for the Potions test tomorrow too?"

"Yeah, I know all of the ingredients for the shrinking solution, but I still need to memorize – "

"Could you help me?" Peter blurted out.

Remus smiled, "Of course. Potions isn't really my strength but we can work on it together."

The blond boy gave a nervous laugh, "I'm complete rubbish at Potions… I'm rubbish at everything except for Herbology really."

"Well, Herbology isn't really that different from Potions you know. Both require a lot of care and patience, if you're good at Herbology I'm sure you can do well in Potions, maybe you just need to try a different approach," Remus said encouragingly, hating Peter's self-deprecating behavior.

"Do you really think so?" Peter's entire face lit up at his words and Remus' stomach twisted with guilt—wishing he'd been nicer to him earlier.

"Absolutely," he replied and the two boys began studying together.

* * *

It was nearly dinner by the time they'd finished, Peter had learned the material quickly enough, but his lack of confidence slowed their progress immensely. Remus didn't mind: going over the material again and again just helped him commit it to his memory better—in the end he was certain he could brew the potion blind folded if he had to. Even Peter was able to recite the order of ingredients off by heart, despite his insistence that he would forget it all the second they left the library. Remus couldn't help but wonder why the smaller boy was so convinced that he wouldn't be able to do well in class.

They were beginning to put the books away when Peter turned to Remus.

"Thank you," he said.

"No problem," Remus replied cheerfully.

"I didn't mean to take so long..." Peter looked down at his feet.

"Don't worry; I came to the library to study and that's exactly what we did."

"But I'm sure it wouldn't have taken all afternoon normally."

Remus laughed, "Seriously, it's alright."

Peter smiled nervously and was silent for a minute, then, "How did you get them to like you?" The small boy was blushing furiously—Remus frowned.

"I'm sorry? How'd I get who to like me?"

"James and Sirius…" the blush spread to his neck, "I try to be nice to them, but I don't think I'm smart enough to be their friend."

"Nonsense," Remus said sternly, "You're very smart Peter, even if you don't fully realize it yet. And James and Sirius _do_ like you; they can just be a little insensitive at times."

"They put up with me," Peter said bitterly, never looking up from his feet, "but I'm not their friend… Not like you are."

Remus contemplated continuing to deny it but he knew deep down that Peter wouldn't believe any of it.

"I'll talk to them," he said instead and Peter's entire face lit up.

* * *

It took a couple of days of subtle and not so subtle hinting, but eventually James invited Peter to sit with their little group for dinner. The small boy had been ecstatic and Remus felt the knot he'd had in his stomach for a while relax. Four days before the next full moon however, it returned.

"You're not getting sick again are you?" Much to Remus' surprise it was Sirius who noticed something was wrong first—he thought that the boy was the least observant of his friends and Remus himself had only just noticed the shadows under his eyes beginning to appear.

When he didn't reply right away, Sirius continued, "I feel like you only _just_ got better."

"I'm fine," Sirius didn't look convinced, "I just didn't get much sleep last night—I was thinking about what I was going to write for McGonagall's essay and it kept me up."

Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes, "I see. I don't understand why you stress out about those things so much; you've got some of the best grades in our year."

"I just want to do well…" Remus felt his insecurities reemerge at Sirius' comment. None of the other boys studied as hard as him and he worried that he was doing something wrong.

"It's alright," James intervened, "but there is such a thing as overkill. You don't need to get 100% on everything all the time."

Remus gave a strained smile: he hated to think that he was coming across as strange. At home he would read all the time because there was rarely anything else to do and it'd just become a habit, he'd also promised his parents and himself that he would work hard to prove to Dumbledore that his admission to Hogwarts hadn't been a mistake.

"So," James continued sensing Remus' discomfort, "Any other ideas about what we're going to do for Halloween?"

"But it's still a week and a half away," said Peter. Sirius shot him an annoyed look.

"The Mona Lisa wasn't painted in a day you know, it takes time to create a work of art."

Remus laughed, grateful for the change in subject, "I don't think that covering the entrance to the Slytherin common room in enchanted sticky webs really counts as art…"

"How'd you know about Operation Spider?" James asked suspiciously.

"You do realize that I can still hear you even if you close the curtains around your bed, right? If you two want to keep your plans secret I'd suggest that you either learn how to cast a silencing charm or find somewhere private to talk about them."

James looked stunned and Sirius gave a bark-like laugh. Remus hadn't teased his friends before.

"Did you have something better in mind then Remus?" James asked dryly as he gave Sirius a dirty look.

In truth, Remus hadn't thought about Halloween at all yet, he'd been too busy trying to come up with how he was going to explain his absence for this month's full moon which was a little less than a week before October 31st. And besides, Halloween at the Lupin household was usually a quiet affair: his father would spend the whole day working since the holiday was like Christmas come early for ghouls and Remus and his mother would spend the day carving pumpkins and making pumpkin pie with the leftovers.

"Er, well…" He could see that this was his opportunity to ensure that the students of Hogwarts weren't going to get an unpleasant surprise come Halloween, "It should be something funny. Something _everyone_ can enjoy," he quickly clarified. "It would take a little while to get the charm work down, but I'm sure you could enchant the jack-o-lanterns that are going to be used during the feast to sing Christmas carols or something."

"How'd you know that there are going to be jack-o-lanterns at the feast?" Peter asked.

"Hagrid told me—he's growing the pumpkin down by his hut…"

"Hagrid?" Sirius said, "You mean the giant with the boats on the first night?"

Remus didn't remember seeing him before that day down by the willow. It seemed impossible that he could've missed a man as large as Hagrid, but then again he'd been so entranced by the sight of the castle he'd had a hard time noticing anything else.

"When did you talk to him?" James raised an eyebrow.

"I visit him every week…" It was true, Hagrid had quickly become a close friend—his kind-hearted and non-judgmental company was often just what Remus needed. "I'm sure he'd let us see the pumpkins before the feast if we asked nicely."

The two dark-haired boys grinned, "Brilliant" they said in unison.

Remus silently congratulated himself on sparing the Slytherin house from an unpleasant Halloween before standing up.

"I need to go talk to McGonagall about my paper—I don't want to lose anymore sleep worrying about it." James and Sirius rolled their eyes but didn't protest.

"Fine, go on then. James and I need starting working on the enchantments for the new Operation Orange." Sirius grinned.

"I can help too!" Peter added enthusiastically, the two dark haired boys sniggered at his outburst, but luckily Peter didn't seem to notice.

Remus glanced around the common room, "Just make sure no one can overhear you this time."

And with that he left and started towards Professor McGonagall's office—not to discuss the essay she'd assigned, but to get her help on thinking up a better excuse than the flu for this month's full moon.

* * *

Two days before the full moon, Remus returned from the library to find James, Sirius, and Peter sitting in a quiet corner of the Gryffindor common room practicing wand movements for Operation Orange.

"You're just in time," James said as he approached them, "We're about the head down to Hagrid's hut and borrow one of his pumpkins so that we have something to practice on—we need someone to keep him distracted."

Remus remained silent, a combination of dread and grim resolve made it impossible to smile as he tried to work up the courage to say what needed to be said.

"You alright?" Sirius asked in an uncharacteristically gentle voice.

It was now or never.

"My mum's sick…" The words left a bitter taste in his mouth and he found himself incapable of meeting his friends' concerned gazes.

"How sick?" James asked as he stood up.

"I have to go home and see her. I'll be gone for a couple of days."

James walked up to him and he half expected the boy to call him a liar, but instead the he drew Remus into the tightest hug anyone had ever given him. He instinctively stiffened at the touch and tried to pull away not wanting any sympathy, but James only held him tighter.

"It'll be okay," he said fiercely, "you'll see… everything will be alright."

Remus couldn't take it, Sirius and Peter also offered their condolences too and the guilt was overwhelming him. After a moment he finally managed to break free from James' grasp.

"I just came up to grab some of my things and to let you know why I'm gone. Would you mind taking notes in class for me?"

"Of course we'll take notes!" said Sirius.

"Thanks. And er, please don't say anything to anyone. Our teachers already know and I don't want everyone else worrying."

"Of course," James replied.

Remus nodded gratefully, unable to form words anymore. He quickly retreated to the dormitory and grabbed some school books so he'd have something to do while he was recovering and some clothes—mostly for appearances. He waved goodbye to his friends, slipped through the portrait hole, and headed towards the Hospital Wing, feeling worse than he had in years.


End file.
